All I Really Need to Know I Learned in D&D.

This may come as quite a shock to many of my readers, but I am a nerd and have been one for quite some time. While it isn’t entirely clear exactly when I underwent this metamorphosis, my best guess is that it was sometime during the second trimester, which interestingly enough, was about the same time my mother attended a KISS concert with me in the womb. My specific taxonomic classification would have me placed within the Phylum of Escapist and further classified within the Class of Role-Player/Comic Book Geek.

Since I have never really been cured of this affliction (despite the fact that I somehow ended up marrying such a hottie), I have been playing D&D with Riley and my cousin Paul (who is much closer in age to Riley than to me). During these sessions I have subconsciously found myself imparting life lessons upon the boys.

I am currently playing a Halfling Rogue whose personality is patterned on Bernie Maddoff. As such, I have convinced Riley and Paul to “invest” their gold into my “sure-fire” investment strategy. At level 1 they have already given me most of their gold and I convinced them that the best way for them to maximize the return on their investment is to recruit more investors. During the same session, our DM, Brett convinced Paul to purchase the extended warranty on a sword he purchased at the market.

These sessions have got me thinking and I quickly came to the realization that D&D has taught me several important aspects to life. Here are just a few.

1. Check for Traps. It is the wise player that when entering into an unfamiliar room within a dungeon or opening a chest filled with treasure, first stops and searches for traps. This is good advice. Unknown situations can harbor all kinds of dangers and it is common sense to “look before you leap”, be it kicking in a door to rescue the princess or buying a used car. Anyone know the challenge rating of used car salesmen?


2. Adventuring with Idiots. I can’t count the number of times that my adventuring party was slaughtered because of some asinine action on the part of another player. Just because it was your friend that was the idiot doesn’t mean that you are going to be immune from the consequences. This is particularly important when you are forced to make constitution checks due to the imbibing of alcohol.


3. Know your Foe. If you find yourself in a battle with a Wraith and have never learned that non-magical weapons will have no effect, then you are going to die very fast. Whatever you are trying to accomplish in life, it is important to be as informed as possible. That and bringing your towel.


4. Run Away!! Run Away!! Just like King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table, when faced with challenge beyond your level (e.g. the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog) the best course of action is to run away. Yeah, the girl is cute, but you have been slapped five times in a row. Run Away!! Run Away!!


5. Grimoire of Big Booms. Quick!! Which is most likely to do more damage, rolling 1d12 or 1d8+4? Sometimes it seems that an advanced degree in mathematics is required to complete a single round of combat in D&D. In reality, the complex number-crunching of your average min-maxer has applications in everyday life. OK, maybe not, but I would like to think that all of that number crunching has made me slightly better at math.
   


6. Negotiating with Gods. In every role players life there will arise a situation where you need to make a wish. To most folks being grated a wish would be a wonderful gift. To a role player it means that you need to spend hours drafting an air tight verbal contract in a Faustian attempt to close all possible loopholes. And you will fail. No matter how hard you try, your DM is going to find a loophole in your wish and make you pay for not having an army of lawyers on retainer. Personally I would rather fight the Tarrasque than wish for a new pair of socks.

You always hear people say that playing sports builds character and prepares children for life. While this may be true to a point, nothing prepares our sons and daughters for the spiked pits and conning NPC's of life like D&D.