(yeah, yeah, I know that 3.5 is better but I am old school and know 2nd edition better, so that is what you are getting)
Nocturnus Clintonius
CLIMATE/TERRAIN: Any/Primary Battleground
FREQUENCY: Very Rare
ORGANIZATION: Solitary
ACTIVITY CYCLE: Any
DIET: Nil
INTELLIGENCE: Intelligent
TREASURE: A
ALIGNMENT: Neutral Evil
NO. APPEARING: 1
ARMOR CLASS: 25
MOVEMENT: 12
HIT DICE: 15+
THAC0: 16 base
NO. OF ATTACKS: 3
DAMAGE/ATTACK: By weapon
SPECIAL ATTACKS: See Below
SPECIAL DEFENSES: +1 weapon to hit
MAGIC RESISTANCE: 1% per hit die
SIZE: M
MORALE: Fanatic (17-18)
XP VALUE: 10,000 +1,000 per level
Unlike most undead creatures, the Nocturnus Clintonius retains all of the memories, personality, and abilities that it possessed in life — but it has the benefit of its unholy existence to hone its skills and inevitably becomes very powerful. Like other powerful forms of the undead, the Nocturnus Clintonius has many un-natural powers, including the ability to summon minions willing to go forth and smear the reputations of honest individuals. In addition, the Nocturnus Clintonius has the ability to create a reality distortion field by its voice, which said field has the ability to sap the hope and optomisim of mortals. The Nocturnus Clintonius has the ability to control the actions of all media pundits when said creatures are discussing political goals of the Nocturnus Clintonius.
The Nocturnus Clintonius can only be hit by +2 or better magical weapons. In addition to its natural magic resistance, the Nocturnus Clintonius is immune to all mind affecting spells, death spells, and wizard and clerical spells below 3rd level. Because of its unique connection with the Dirty Political Tricks plane, all negative attacks inflict 5d10 points of damage to the creature attacking if it gets past the Nocturnus Clintonius’ magic resistance. It also casts spells as it did before its transformation, but, due to its dark nature and years of political mudslinging, does not require to use actual truth in its attacks. The Nocturnus Clintonius is considered a special for purposes of turning.
The best method of attacking the Nocturnus Clintonius is to maintain hope and determination while facing the creature. Heroes pure of heart and wielding the truth will fair far better than individuals that resort to personal attacks (due to the Nocturnus Clintonius’s connection with the Dirty Political Tricks plane). If 6d100 mortals following a leader possessing the non-weapon proficiency of “Hope Monger” face the Nocturnus Clintonius, they can overcome its natural magical resistance on a +8 Will Save.
In conclusion, the Nocturnus Clintonius is far more dangerous and scary when you despair and give up hope. Its Armor Class is very weak once you get through its natural defenses. Winning only the two states of Indiana and North Carolina should finally drive a stake through the heart of this unholy amalgamation of the human body and energy from the Dirty Political Tricks plane.
Don’t let the Nocturnus Clintonius boil the hope out of you.
4 comments:
Dear Roy,
Please prepare yourself for a stolen nomination and give some thought to voting for a third party candidate. On second thought, stolen is an unfair word. The wealthy criminal class have paid good money to insure that their candidate will win. Democrat or Republican...It matters not. They are two heads of the same snake.
Sigh.
I have been too depressed for the past 36 hours to do anything except mope. If she steals this election, I'm moving to Canada.
I'm an Obama supporter, and I was hoping this would be wrapped in Pennsylvania too, and Nocturnus Clintonius is certainly guilty of most of the sins you suggest. But is the photo strictly necessary? Hilary actually looks pretty damn good for her age. It's our culture of youth and face-lift mania that makes photos such as the one you posted of her make us think "undead." Women in their early sixties have wrinkles. So do men. I fail to see, with either gender, what on earth it has to do with their competence--or lack thereof--as public officials. An unflattering photo of a female politician is wielded in ways I rarely see paralleled in treatment of similarly powerful males. I'm not accusing you of sexism and I generally enjoy your political commentaries a great deal, but your usage of that photo did make me sigh.
I live in the Hoosier State and fear my neighbors have been seduced by her dastardly daughter and husband…they’ve spent an unholy amount of time here sucking up and filling the minds of my beloved Obama supporters with gobbledygook. I keep telling them that she serves herself alone. I find it ironic that she was here last week preaching fair wages to a group of workers. Have people forgotten her Walmart days?
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