American Fried Baltic Menu

 For reasons best not get into, particularly because I would rather not discuss them at border crossings, my wife and I have contemplated what kind of restaurant we would run in a beach community on the Adriatic Sea in a former Soviet bloc state.

I can't speak for her, but I do have a few things I would want to serve.

Breakfast:

The ability to quickly run in and grab a cup of strong coffee and a breakfast sandwich. Said sandwich would consist of salted meat, with melted cheese between two pieces of leavened bread. It would be wrapped up to be eaten later, and the more deserening clients would choose one with egg. Of course, it would taste better sooner rather than later. Particularly the ones with an egg. 

Lunch:

There would be no lunch. We don't serve it. It interferes with breakfast service, naps, and getting ready for dinner.  

Dinner:

People would be able to sit down and shake off their day.  It ain't got to be fancy, but I would want people to settle into their chair and whatever was stressing them before, isn't forgotten, but put onto the back burner. The menu would need to be varied but tight. 

My additions would be: 

A marinated flattened piece of poultry doubled fried on a bed of mashed potatoes with a tomato gravy drizzled on top.  

A chili cheese coney so over the top that anyone from Cincinnati would consider it sacrilege. It would use the sausages of Europe and bread that might be able to hold it, but cinnamon-spiked chili drizzled over it with raw onions and a handful of shredded cheese.  

Dessert:

A white russian. There are other desserts, but goddamn vodka, kahlua, and half-and-half might be the most perfect after-dinner accompaniment. 

I never knew what I would be when I grew up, but I think my wife and I would make decent restaurateurs.